to my little love child

I had you on a November day
though I really met you first
in August
that time 15 years later

Lorn all that while
I found
you, and felt alive
that day

I am selfish
I can’t deny

All of you, for
just
me

misgivings
scruples
qualms
distrusts

all of it
I am

none of it
is me

I lost you for a while
and I found you again

scared, uneasy, jealous, needy

all of it
I am

none of it
is me

on a cold
cold
night

when the snow at my feet
and the cold in my face
and the lights above me
shine

All I wish I held
in my palms

was that
small
warm
pink
soft
sum
of hope
that is
your hand

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