Each day Chicago lives in constant fear of Alien attacks. I witnessed the spectacle of one such attack that day. That day, the snows had just melted and spring was still a weekend away. That day was when it all took place. My knees are still wobbly with the memories of the attack!
Here is all that happened…
At the innocent little art institute intersection, a lion was trying to cross the street but no one would let him.
Feeling faux-chivalrous , I went to the nearest traffic light to push the pedestrian crosswalk signal button.
But lo! I noticed a little green alien there! In a flash, the alien climbed in and started the alien b(.)(.)bie ship…
Soon there were alien b(.)(.)bie ships all over the place!
They stood in straight lines looking very ominous!
The b(.)(.)bies mated with vampire drummers and made funky dance sounds! Worried people started calling home! I was worried too, but, forgot to call home because of all the smell…
The b(.)(.)bies were making the copper lion fart! …and the poor guy just wanted to cross the street.
On top of that, because of the shadows in the nether world, I could not confirm if the lion was really a he. I felt guiltily sexist.
Guilt, farting Lions, sexist thoughts and Alien Boobies!!! The scene was turning really dangerous so I started running away!
Chicago is a big city, it takes a long time to run to anywhere. So before I could get to anywhere, it was dusk.
My feet were aching and it looked like it would rain anytime now. Tired, cold, about to be rain-wet and scared of alien b(.)(.)bies.
No one stood a chance! …and just then things turned even worse!
The alien b(.)(.)bies started glowing!
They were glowing with as if they had six nipples and a purpose!
They stood tall above all and glowed at the sky, all round and rebellious! As if saying “Bring it on! We’ve got our nipples covered”
The whole city was in shock of the glowing b(.)(.)bies! Cars were scrambled at the Michigan Avenue bridge…
And scared people were running on the magnificent mile! It made them burn calories! Panic was everywhere!
All this while the alien b(.)(.)bies stood boldly, ignoring the mammoth pointy-top buildings around them
The alien b(.)(.)bies fooled my mind and made me take pictures of the same spot…
I bumped into a street bum to knock some senses back in my head, but I lost my wallet in the process.
I had to try and escape now, but how???… Idea!
Try to sneak a taxi back home and pay the fare with Wrigley’s spearmint! Yes, that should work!
It was perfect! But no…
The alien b(.)(.)bies were having too much fun.
Those alien b(.)(.)bies had turned the city golden…!
I have no memories of what happened after that, but I did wake up in my own bed the next morning.
And now, here I am narrating all this to you.
A warning to the wise, an invitation to the foolish and a tale told.
Signing off from the mile.
Your other-worldly wise tourist,